Since quite some time, the german web hoster "1 & 1" offers so called web databases. This patch for the PHP TEXT DB API offers a SQL interface to these databases.
The web databases are "professional databases" for people without "programming experience". Sadly, they are far from professional, especially the lack of a SQL interface prohibits using them for an even semi-professional web site.
To overcome this drawback, I have adopted the PHP TEXT DB API to these web databases, turning then in, well, semi-professional databases.
Update: There is now support for the UPDATE statement.